Hidden River Secrets (Hidden River Academy Book 2) Read online

  “I don’t understand you,” I said, swallowing hard. My throat hurt.

  “I don’t get me either,” he said with a helpless chuckle, closing his eyes like he hated himself.

  “Shiv’s amazing.”

  “She’s not you.” He looked haunted. “I’m sorry, I’m fucking… I’ve fucked everything up. I wanted this to be okay.”

  “What were you expecting? You wanted me to just… dump Buck?” I shook my head. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “Hell, no,” he said, “I was fine with us both… having you.”

  “What?” I backed up a step, staring at him. “What?”

  It felt like the floor was dropping out from under me. What the hell did that mean?

  Seven

  “Have you been living under a rock for the last decade?” Boots looked at me from under long, thick lashes a day later at lunch break. She wasn’t the best option, but given that she was sticking to me like glue at school, she was right there when I needed someone to talk to. I wasn’t going to question her reluctant friendship; it was a relief to spend time with someone who didn’t abjectly hate me.

  “You’re younger than me,” I pointed out.

  “And you grew up in the… what was it you called it? ‘The hood’?” She raised an eyebrow. The look on her face made me blush. “You don’t talk like you did. Your enunciation is great.”

  “I like to read,” I mumbled, and picked at the cherry tart I was having for dessert. Colt had fucked off before he’d eaten my entire lunch. That seemed to be some sort of toll I had to pay for sitting with him in the safety of his bubble. Usually, it meant that he’d eat half my food. He was the kind of guy who was lanky-muscular, and I had no idea how he packed in that many calories without packing on the pounds. Since he wasn’t here to snatch it, my dessert was all mine.

  “Anyway, your vocabulary aside, poly is a thing. Polyamory? Oh my god, don’t give me that look.”

  “What look?” I blinked at her, feeling confused and a little frustrated.

  “Like you have no idea-”

  “Did someone say big love?” Colt was back, settling a new tray down on the table. It was loaded with food. “Are you trying to convince our sweet prude here to enter into an angel’s threesome?” Colt grinned at me, grabbing an unfortunate sandwich in his hands. “I gotta say I approve, although you’re a little young for me, Bootsie.”

  Boots sputtered and glared at him.

  “Oh, in your dreams,” she said.

  “What’s an angel’s, uh…” I trailed off and coughed, reaching for my water. Colt’s grin widened, and he took a slow bite of his sandwich before swallowing and answering me.

  “You two pretty angels and me. We’d make a great threesome, don’t you think?” he asked. Boots snorted.

  “Definitely dreaming. Get real, Lawson. The only thing you’re going to be fucking tonight, or any other night, is your hand.” Boots poked her spoon at her yogurt, and shot me a sly look. “Nah, Shawn was just running the idea by her that maybe… y’know the opposite, might be a good idea.”

  “Hahahaha, a devil’s triangle?” Colt barked, slapping himself across the chest. “Shit. I told you. I told yooooou. The guy is totally into dudes.”

  “I don’t really want to talk about this right now. Especially not here,” I growled, and when Colt kept laughing, I grabbed what was left of his sandwich. He immediately fell quiet.

  “That a threat, Quinn?” he asked, his voice rolling down my spine like a shiver.

  “I think that if you like your sandwich, you’ll shut up right now,” I replied, with as much dignity and sweetness as I could muster.

  “Let’s get back to the part where neither of us are sucking your dick anytime soon, Colt, so don’t get any ideas. And keep your voice down if you want Mia to give you the good gossip.” Boots flicked her yogurt spoon, sending a spray of dairy product across the lunch table.

  I sighed and looked over my shoulder at the table where the cheer team sat, bookended by some of the football guys. I couldn’t help it. Even if they were treating me like dirt, I wished I was back with them, when things were… normal-ish.

  Back before Shawn had decided to rip apart my fragile reputation. He’d apologized a bit more the night before, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to fix things. I finally told him that I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore until he came clean to Shiv, and everyone, about everything he'd done and lied about.

  I hadn’t chased him. I hadn’t kissed him back. I wasn’t trying to cheat on Buck with him, or steal him from Shiv. He was the asshole, one-hundred-percent.

  He’d promised me he’d do whatever it took.

  That was the only thing keeping me going. That, and I was finally getting my courage up to talk to my uncle about my love life. I wasn’t going to sneak around behind Uncle Matt’s back forever, and barely being able to see Buck at school was killing me.

  “Well, shit,” Colt murmured, yanking me out of my thoughts and back to the present.

  “What?” I followed his gaze over my shoulder. Shawn stood next to Shiv’s chair, his shoulders hunched, like he wanted to shrink down to nothing.

  “Maybe he’s come to his senses?” Boots asked.

  “He said he’d make it better.” I watched Shawn carefully. Behind him, I saw his twin, Garrett, leaning against a support pillar that held up the cafeteria’s high ceiling. He watched his brother closely, but his gaze flitted back and forth over the other students. A weird hush had fallen over the people closest to Shiv; Shawn attracted all their attention.

  Colt sighed.

  “I hate this happy ending bullshit,” he said. I shot him a weird look. “What? He doesn’t belong with her. He doesn’t love her,” he said. “That shit was obvious the minute he kissed you.”

  “Shut up,” Boots hissed. “I’m trying to listen in.”

  Colt rolled his eyes.

  “C’mon, outcast.” He got up, his food half-finished on his tray. He reached for my hand, and before I could say anything, he was pulling me up out of my seat. “Let’s walk. Talk and walk.”

  “Hey,” I said, but I didn’t protest too strongly, not really wanting to watch whatever was going down between Shawn and Shiv. I just hoped he was doing right by her, and making it better like he promised me.

  Colt half-dragged me toward a set of glass doors that opened up onto a green area where we could eat outside when it was nice.

  The fresh air hit my face; it tasted like freedom. I sighed when the sun slid over me as we stepped outside. The grass was empty, since it was close to the end of lunch and students had taken off to do other things.

  Colt waited for the door to close, before turning to me.

  “So, tell me everything,” he said, staring at me intensely.

  “Uh,” I paused, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.

  “Shawn wants you to do the dirty with him and…?” He spread his hands, raising an eyebrow.

  “You seem to be into other people’s laundry more than any guy I’ve ever known,” I said.

  “Knowledge is power, and power means surviving. You know that, growing up in a junk heap just like I did. C’mon. Spill it.” His amber eyes were serious, and he didn’t have a trace of maliciousness in his voice.

  “This isn’t Game of Thrones,” I muttered. “We’re only in fucking high school.” Colt rolled his eyes, and I sighed. “Shawn… just seems to think it’d be okay… he’d be interested in… rather, having… having a relationship with me, while I’m with Buck.”

  “As in… he’s dating both of you?” The corners of Colt’s mouth tugged up into a knowing smile.

  “No, as in I’m dating both of them,” I corrected him sharply before snorting. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s not happening. I’m only with Buck. Okay? And Shawn is telling Shiv everything and making up with her right now. He’ll grovel and fix it all. Honestly, I think he might’ve been high when he said that to me, anyway,” I rambled. Colt held up h
is hand.

  “Shawn is never going to get back together with Shiv,” he said seriously. “Not because she respects herself too much—because she doesn’t—but because he doesn’t love her.” His eyes went liquid for a moment, and he squinted as the sun glinted on them.

  “Are you a relationship therapist in your spare time?” I snarked. Who did this guy think he was? He had no idea what Shawn’s actual intentions were. None at all.

  “Because if I were with Shiv, and I loved Shiv, I wouldn’t go chasing after another girl,” he said simply. “It’s kinda obvious. And, I mean, look at you, Mia.”

  What?

  I glanced down at my uniform. Colt laughed, the sound weirdly soft. I looked back up at him.

  “He’s not going to go back to her when he thinks he has a chance with you.” Colt’s face was solemn; his wise-ass grin and smirking eyes were nowhere to be seen.

  “I don’t-”

  “Did you tell him no?”

  “What? Like… did I tell him not to kiss me?”

  “Nah, not that. I’m asking… when he told you that he was into the idea of you and him, and you and Buck, all at once…” Colt leaned in close, lifting his hand to press on the brick wall beside us, fingers spread wide.

  My breath caught in my throat.

  “Did you tell him no, Mia? Did you laugh at him?”

  I… my brain scrambled. I must have. I had to have.

  Colt raised his eyebrow, nice and slow.

  “Or maybe, somewhere deep down, you kinda like that idea. You and Buck. You and Shawn. You, Buck, and Shawn. Not a bad thing, to wake up in the middle of that football sandwich, y’know what I mean?” Colt’s words ignited in my stomach. I took a step back.

  “That’s crazy,” I said.

  “That’s big love, and it’s not all that crazy. C’mon, we all know someone who knew someone who had that kind of setup. These rich kids aren’t used to it, because they can afford to have one mommy and one daddy. Right, trailer trash?” he said the nickname not like it was an insult, but as an admission of where we both came from. I pressed a hand to my cheek; my skin was on fucking fire.

  Because he was embarrassing me and talking shit. He didn’t know anything. Not about how I felt.

  “I love Buck,” I spat.

  “Say it again, so I believe you,” Colt said with a wink before shaking his head. “Look, you can deny it all you want, and that’s just fine-”

  The edges of my vision misted red.

  My hands were suddenly on his chest, and I shoved, pushing him at the brick wall. Colt stumbled back, hitting the wall hard enough to force a grunt from him. His fingers wrapped around my wrists, holding me there as we stared at each other.

  “I’m not a slut.” The words emerged from my chest, breathy and panicked.

  “Nobody’s calling you that,” Colt said. His expression wasn’t even angry, despite the fact that I’d just shoved him into a wall. “Well. I’m not calling you that, at least,” he amended.

  “I need to go,” I said, pulling away, my insides going numb. Colt let me, his hands falling to his sides, his eyes careful as he watched me back away from him. I turned and ran down the pathway, my breath burning like acid in the back of my throat.

  Eight

  Hidden River Academy’s campus felt so small, and there weren’t enough hiding places. No matter where I went, I saw someone I knew. Right then, I just wanted to be alone.

  Was I putting out some sort of weird vibe to Shawn that made him think I wanted him? His kiss had revolted me, hadn’t it?

  I pressed my fingers to my lips and tried to imagine it happening again… his eyes closed as he leaned down to me, I’d feel angry and violated and-

  A shiver started deep inside me, spreading out through my limbs as I hid in a corner of the library. I was warm all over, my skin humming with an energy that was familiar. Buck woke it up inside of me, and now I was feeling it while thinking about Shawn.

  I sat upright in the armchair I was occupying, and took a deep, shaking breath.

  I was not attracted to Shawn.

  The idea of Shawn pressing up behind me, his hands on me, his mouth on my neck as Buck kissed me from in front-

  I closed my eyes.

  Shit. Shit.

  “No way,” I said it out loud, because that made the negative more real. I was in love with Buck. Nobody could love two people at once. Right? How could my heart, overflowing with feeling, like it was for Buck, have room for someone else?

  I looked up at the vaulted ceiling panels high above my head, and begged for answers from the empty air.

  Nothing came, other than the same churning sense of being completely overwhelmed.I was emotionally cheating on Buck with Shawn, wasn’t I?

  All those times that Shawn had my back, protected me, and stepped up to be there for me-

  I wanted to run, but there was nowhere safe to go. I couldn’t outrun my own traitorous bitch of a heart.

  Unable to process this revelation, I got to my feet and stood in the empty corner of the library. I tried to breathe, slow my pulse, and focus on one thought at a time.

  “Mia,” Shawn’s voice cut through the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. I looked up. Shawn stood there at the end of the library stack. Buck was a few feet behind him. They both looked serious. I gulped for air.

  “I didn’t do anything,” I said. “I did nothing, I did nothing wrong.”

  Shawn glanced over his shoulder, regret on his face. Buck glared at him and shoved him hard from behind.

  “You fucking apologize now, so she knows it’s not her fault,” Buck said. Shawn winced and stepped forward into a shaft of light that kindled the gold in his red hair.

  “I told Shiv and everyone else that it was me, not you,” he said, his voice tight. “I want you to know I’m gonna keep making it right. I started. It’s not enough, but I started.”

  “I talked to a couple of the guys on the team,” Buck said, his tone angry and rumbling. “We’re trying to find out who fucking tripped you at the assembly. Word is getting out that anyone who fucks with you, fucks with us.”

  “Us?” I asked, because what did that mean? Seriously?

  Buck pushed in front of Shawn, then slapped the back of his hand against Shawn’s chest, holding it there to keep him from moving forward.

  “Us,” he said firmly, giving me an even look that had layers to it that stopped my heart dead for a moment.

  “Us?” The word crawled out of my mouth, half-whispered. Buck tilted his head to the side.

  “You like this idiot?” he asked, giving Shawn another smack. Shawn flinched, but didn’t swat Buck’s hand away. “It’s okay, sweetheart, you feel whatever you need to feel.”

  Buck stepped toward me. I closed my eyes as his hand slid down my cheek to cup my chin.

  “I don’t, I love you,” I insisted. Buck sighed and leaned down, his lips warm on mine. A flutter in my chest reassured me… I wasn’t lying. I loved Buck, no matter how much Shawn made me question myself.

  “But the idiot loves you too,” he said, “and the way I see it…” His fingers lingered on my neck, teasing down to the collar of my shirt. “Two sets of eyes watching your back are better than one.”

  My throat flushed, the feeling creeping up to my jaw, then my cheeks.

  “I… need some space,” I said, pulling away from them both. Things were way too intense. Breathing was difficult, and I felt dizzy.

  I scooped up my backpack.

  “I’ll talk to you guys later,” I mumbled, and got the hell out of there before I did something crazy. Like actually agree with them.

  “You’ve been quiet for a few days,” my uncle said. Dinner was lasagna, the cheese baked to a perfect golden-brown, the noodles soft. Too bad I barely had any appetite. I glanced up at my uncle.

  Before I could speak, he sighed, loud and pained.

  “Was I too hard on you?” He asked. “I don’t want to be one of those helicopter parents, I just thought you need
ed more structured boundaries. You were out before the sun was up, wearing Buck’s goddamn t-shirt, Mia.” His eyes were intense, and his one hand was fisted on top of the table, like he wanted to punch Buck right in the face.

  “I’m old enough to make my own decisions about my body,” I said, feeling flustered because we were having this conversation, but knowing it needed to happen. Forging forward felt like swimming through unknown waters, and my plan was only half-baked. I needed to convince him that being with Buck didn’t mean I was going to end up like my mother. “We were safe.”

  My uncle went pale and wheezed uncomfortably.

  “Uh, I-”

  I set my fork down as he stumbled over some nonsense syllables.

  “I’m going to be honest with you. Yes, I had sex with Buck.” Each word was painful to say, and my cheeks were so hot that they hurt. “Yes, we used a condom. Yes, he was a gentleman. I’m okay, Uncle Matt. If I’m old enough to have sex, I’m old enough to talk about it with you, right?”

  My uncle fell quiet, watching me with a guarded expression.

  “It felt like he was taking advantage of you,” he said after several moments of thinking. “You’re sweet, even after all you’ve gone through. You didn’t let life make you hard, Mia. A lot of times these boys get up to no good, I know that damn well enough after coaching all these years.”

  “I promise, he didn’t, and I really do… I care a lot about him, I love him-”

  Uncle Matt closed his eyes and sighed.

  “You sure you even know what-” He stopped himself, took a breath and then stared at me, gaze steady. “You know your own heart.”

  “I do,” I said, the words soft. “Can you please just… ease off? He doesn’t even want to be anywhere near me at school, and things are hard enough as it is. Not just for me. He lost his home. We were his home, and you took that away from him.” I paused, trying to give my uncle time to let the words sink in.

  A flash of grief showed on his face, and he glanced away.