Phoenixcry: A Reverse Harem Romance (The Rogue Witch Book 1) Page 20

  “Sorry, kid,” he said.

  “Don’t call me that,” I replied mildly. Eli got in the front, and Finn stepped up into the van, heading back to sit by me. Immediately his arms were around me, and he pulled me into his lap. Eli started up the engine and threw the van into gear.

  “Where’s Cash?” I asked, sitting up. Eli’s eyes met mine through the rearview mirror.

  “By the highway. He went for a run,” Eli replied.

  Ace whistled, and grinned at me over his shoulder.

  “Somebody got himself all worked up,” he explained. Charlie snickered, and Finn just hugged me tighter before letting me settle in my seat. The headlights of the van bounced over the gravel road as we drove out the way we’d come in. I shot Finn a grateful smile, my belly rumbling. I really was starving. I reached into my bag for my phone and send Max a quick omgomgomg text message and then Ace pointed.

  “There he is!”

  Cash was looking up at the stars, his shirt slung over one shoulder as he stood on the side of the road. His skin glowed in the light from the van, and he squinted at us, shading his eyes. There was a slick of sweat down his front as Eli pulled to the stop and Cash started walking toward us. His shoes spit up gravel as Charlie leaned over and opened the van’s sliding door.

  “Good run?” Charlie asked, as Cash hauled himself inside.

  “Yeah,” Cash said, his gaze finding me in the back. He stopped for a moment, visibly swallowed and sat down with a grunt, slumping down in his seat. Finn’s hand wrapped around mine and he squeezed my fingers. He leaned in close, lips brushing my ear.

  “He’s not mad at you.”

  “He’s kinda acting it,” I whispered back. Finn hesitated and sighed.

  “He still feels guilty for how he behaved at that house show. Cash takes things hard. He’s not having an easy time forgiving himself.”

  That made sense. I’d have to pull Cash aside at some point and let him know it was really okay. I was good and, especially, I was good with him. I snuggled into Finn’s side as we got onto the highway.

  “So it was cookies?” Eli looked back at us through the rear-view mirror.

  “And cheeseburgers,” Finn called out.

  “Aww yes!” Ace turned to me and gave me a thumbs up. “I could eat like five right now.”

  “When could you not?” Eli asked with a snort and a rare smile. It transformed the profile of his face, and when Ace muttered,

  “I fucking love cheeseburgers.”

  Eli shook his head and looked to the road ahead.

  I was surrounded by food wrappers, and Ace lay on the floor, one hand on his belly, groaning.

  “It hurts so good,” he whimpered. Charlie snickered and poked him with one foot. Ace swatted at him.

  “Want my last cheeseburger?” Charlie asked.

  “Yes,” Ace said at the same time as Eli said,

  “Don’t.”

  Ace grabbed it anyway, and stuffed in into his mouth with a satisfied groan. We were back at the campsite, enjoying the soft breeze as it came through all of the open windows and doors of the van. I stood up, brushing cookie crumbs off my lap. “Where’s the outhouse?”

  Cash got to his feet.

  “Let me take you, it’s a bit of a trek.” He hopped out of the van and held out his hand to help me down. When our fingers touched, my fingers tingled with electricity. He must not have felt it because he didn’t say anything when I pulled away. We set off to the outhouse. It was clean, thankfully, and when I emerged I stretched my arms up to the sky.

  “I love how you can hear all the crickets, and the night birds,” I said as I came up next to him. He was sitting on the top of a picnic bench, looking up at the stars.

  “This is how I grew up,” he said. “Not a lot of lights, out in the woods. It was nice. I miss it sometimes.”

  “You still could be out here. What makes you need to be performing, and touring?” I sat down next to him. He let out a long breath.

  “The guys. I wouldn’t be anything without them, and life wouldn’t be worth living,” he said. “We’re nothing without each other. We’re pack. This is the only thing we have left of our old lives, our old selves.” He closed his eyes for a long moment and smiled. It was beautiful and relaxed, and I was relieved that he was finally having a moment where he felt like he could let his guard down around me. “And this way, we can do what we love to do, for as long as we’re around to do it.”

  I swallowed down a lump of feelings that had formed in my throat. I wanted to say that it was ‘unfair’ that their heartstone had been destroyed, and that over time, they would weaken and age like a human instead of continue on like the werewolves they really were. But ‘unfair’ seemed like an understatement.

  Before I could stop myself, I found myself closing the space between us, wrapping him tight in my arms, and pressing my face into his shoulder. He made a small noise of surprise, and his arm slowly, so slowly, curled around my shoulders.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I wish I could do more than just manage the band. Just, more.”

  “It’s okay, Darce.” His fingers squeezed my shoulder. “We’re happy, we’re doing what we love.”

  “Yeah but it’s fucking shit, is what it is.” I pulled away to look at him. The starlight fell on us both, highlighting the sharp angles of his face, the fall of his dark hair where it was tucked behind his ear. His blue eyes were almost black. “Is this going to be your lives? Riding around in a tour van, hoping that these hunters chasing you don’t cotton on to the fact you guys are wolves? You think they’re not going to notice the magic in your music if they stumble across one of the shows?”

  “Darcy—”

  “No, listen. And then what, you guys just lose what makes you, you? What happens when you can’t do whatever it is you do with your music anymore? Maybe you don’t know much about how it works, but it’s magic, and it’s a form of a spell, sorta, and with time, if you’re the source of that magic, and it fades inside of you.” I was so upset I was trembling, and Cash frowned.

  “I hadn’t really thought about that,” he admitted after taking a deep breath. “You figure that one day, we’re just gonna stop being able to...”

  “Oh you’ll be good musicians, of course, you’re amazing already, but what makes you werewolves is dying, you don’t have a heartstone, right? So it kinda makes sense that as your ability to shift, to heal, to live a long time, when all that fades, so does the magic in your music.” I bit my lip after a moment. “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I guess it feels like you guys are just running from a problem that’s never going to give up. The hunters might, they might leave you alone, but this? This is inside you, around you.”

  “What are we supposed to do?” Cash asked, his voice rough. “This isn’t a hunter, we can’t rip this open and spread their blood across the ground.”

  I flinched at his raw words. He raised his eyebrow and I felt defensive.

  “What?”

  “Seems like you forget who you’re sharing a van with sometimes,” he said. I snorted.

  “Hardly. You guys are always growling or rumbling at each other or—”

  “Or staring at you like you’re the prettiest thing we’ve ever seen?” He raised his hand and stroked it down the side of my face. “Did you mean it when you said you wished you could do more?”

  “Obviously,” I whispered. “Anything.”

  His breath caught in his throat.

  “Anything? You swear it?” The words sounded old in his mouth, ritualistic, and I recognized the weight of his power in them, demanding that I answer. I didn’t even bother to fight it.

  “I swear it.”

  His eyes lit up and he stood.

  “Good,” he said, and grabbed my hand. “Come with me.”

  “Where are we going?” I gave him my hand and he tugged me up off the bench.

  “Where the guys can’t hear us.”

  “Uh,” My shoes crunched over the gravel as we crossed
the site that we were camped in, leaving the van behind us. “Cash? Are you okay?”

  “You remember what I told you about the heartstones, how we need them, and without them, we’re basically not a pack anymore, and slowly we lose our ability to shift, to heal, to exist as who we were?” He searched my face as we came up to the edge of a slowly moving creek. Water glinted off the surface, the glassy eddies swirling under the night sky. When the breeze picked up I could smell the greenery, the damp smell of water-reeds sticking to the back of my throat.

  “Of course, we were just talking about it—”

  He grabbed my arms and I fell quiet.

  “You can change that,” he said. I frowned.

  “What?”

  “You. You’re a witch, and you can change that. Here.” He pulled up my hand. “You’re a lightning witch. The energy lives inside of you, a living storm, and in that storm is the ability to create life, to fix us.”

  I shook my head.

  “Cash, no, I’m not—”

  “Yes, you are. You’ve sparked me enough times, and I hear it in your voice, when you get mad, or you tell us what to do and you’re not fucking around. There’s thunder in you, echoing in the back of your voice, demanding I listen and if I don’t there’ll be hell to pay.” He was breathing hard as he spoke, and I knew if I put my hands on his chest I would be able to feel the frantic beat of his heart. He thought I was a powerful lightning witch, able to call down storms at the snap of my fingers. What would he think when he found out I couldn’t? That the storms had never answered me, no matter how much I’d begged and pleaded with them as a small child. I’d stopped trying in my teens. It was easier not to try than to be disappointed again.

  There was no reason for me to not tell him. The danger of the guys posed me was gone, the bonds we were building as a motley pack, five wolves and a witch, meant that I was safe. I knew they’d never hurt me, no matter what.

  “You don’t understand, you don’t know Cash.”

  “No, Darcy, you don’t know. There’s one kind of witch that can make a new heartstone, and it’s you.”

  “What?!” I pulled back from him in shock. “I can what?” The rise of dread in me threatened to swamp over any of the lasting warmth I’d felt from being with Finn that night, and the ache between my legs faded as I stared at Cash.

  “You can make a heartstone, if you want to bad enough. How do you think we got them in the first place? Witches made them for us, helped our packs grow.” Cash didn’t pull me back to him, but from the way his fingers clenched, I could tell he wanted to.

  “I don’t know how,” I said instantly. His brow furrowed.

  “You can find out. Your family—”

  “Not a fucking chance,” I shut him down right then. My family was nothing to me. The pack was my family now, I knew it deep in my bones, in my heart. They were where I was supposed to be, and my family couldn’t help me. They wouldn’t help me, even if I’d asked. And I wouldn’t ask them, not if I could help it. Going back to them? It was hard to even imagine what would happen if I did.

  “Darcy—”

  “No!” I put every ounce of my power into the word, and he stumbled back, eyes wide. We stared at each other for a moment, me breathing hard, him hardly breathing at all. “No, I can’t,” I whispered. “Please don’t ask again.”

  Cash lifted his hand out to me and then dropped it to his side. His eyes glittered, and this time I realized he was angry, not surprised.

  “I’m not letting this go.”

  “That’s great, but it’s not happening.”

  “This is our lives,” he snarled, stepping toward me. It was like he’d slapped me. He might as well have. How could I explain to him I wasn’t what he thought I was? I swallowed hard.

  “I’m not refusing because I want to, Cash. If I could help you, I would, you know I would.”

  “Do I?” he asked, and he crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not so fucking sure.” All my intentions to tell him the truth right then fled from me and I hiccuped a noise, small and dismayed, in my throat. His face softened, he must’ve realized he crossed a line. He reached for me.

  “Fuck off,” I snapped, my face suddenly wet. I wiped at my cheeks with the side of my wrist. Finn’s scent lingered there and I felt sick. I wanted to retreat to the safety of his arms, but if he knew, if Cash told him what we’d talked about, would Finn even want me? “I’m going to the van,” I said.

  “Darcy, wait.”

  I didn’t wait. I spun on my heel and stalked, stumbling, over the hard gravel. The van emerged from the darkness, promising warmth inside of it. It was a warmth I thought I’d earned. Had I even though?

  When I’d left home, I’d left the struggle to control my weak powers behind me, or so I’d thought. Now for the first time in almost four years I wanted to cast magic. It was killing me, that there might be a way to save the pack from their inevitable fate, and I couldn’t do it. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and shot Max a text message.

  Guess it’s true what they say. You can’t run from your problems. They find you, no matter what. Miss you, Maxy.

  I wiped the last of the tears from my face, and resolved to not say anything to the other guys about the conversation between me and Cash. With any luck, they’d be too blissed out on cheeseburgers to notice he hadn’t come back with me.

  Twenty-Four

  The Sacramento venue had showers, clean and pristine, and it felt so good to wash off the frustration and hurt from the last few days. I’d spent the rest of our time at the park faking it and pretending like I was fine when I wasn’t. The hollow ache in my chest followed me around wherever I went, and not even a long hike with Finn to the edge of canyon could cure it. Cash stared at me darkly every time I looked at him, so I stuck to Finn’s side, and let his arm around my shoulders shield me.

  The water sluiced down my skin and I reveled in using as much hot water as I wanted. We had a solar shower that we’d hang on outside of the van to rinse off, but it wasn’t the same thing. It was one of the rare moments I was jealous of everyone on the bus with Glory Revolution and Jake—at least they had a proper shower to use whenever they wanted. Baby-bands like Phoenixcry took what they could get though, and we were just lucky we had a higher-end tour van and not some sketchy mini-van that overheated every time it went up a tiny hill.

  Stepping out into the chilly air of the bathroom made my skin goose-bump all over and I remembered last night when Finn had spent some time learning all the places on my neck that made me shiver. His touch was near to the only thing that could chase the bad feelings taking up space in my heart, away. I braided my hair to cut down on any fly-aways, ‘cause curls and the road were a bad mix, and joined Ginny and Shara at the merch booth.

  “Your guys sound checked during your shower,” Ginny said. “They sounded good.” She checked her watch. “You mind watching my table while I go have mine? Jake keeps bitching we leave long hairs in the bus shower and doesn’t want us to use it anymore.”

  Shara rolled her eyes.

  “Guy’s a grade-a asshole,” she said.

  “I’ll watch your table, but you’ll probably be back before doors anyway,” I said, shifting over to stand between the two tables. Ginny squeezed my shoulder and walked off, determination in every step. Shara watched her go then turned to me.

  “I’m really sorry,” she said, “I was a dick the other day, and you didn’t deserve it.”

  “I don’t understand.” Sure it had hurt like a stab right to the chest, but she had just been honest with me.

  “I should have told you when I first saw those pictures go up,” she gulped a deep lungful of air and then bombed through the final words, “and if you want to tell Willa I knew, that’s fine, I’ll take whatever she dishes out.”

  I stared at her for a long moment, and then felt tears welling up in my eyes. I blinked them away, not wanting to start sobbing in the middle of the venue right before a show. I missed Max, so bad. She was ba
rely responding to my texts, and I felt selfish demanding so much of her time when I knew she was suffering.

  “It’s okay.” I got control of my rebellious emotions and gave Shara a brief smile. “I don’t want to get you in trouble, or anything, I don’t even think I’m going to say something to Willa.”

  Shara’s eyebrows hiked up.

  “You’re not?” she asked. I shook my head.

  “The band comes first, and I just have to not be in places where Jake can be a creeper. That shouldn’t be so hard, right?”

  Shara snorted and responded with a weak smile before sorting through some silicone wristbands on her table.

  “Just be careful,” was all she said, and when I opened my mouth to speak again she gave a sharp jerk of her head to tell me she wasn’t going to discuss it anymore. I buried my frustration and fussed with the Phoenixcry merch, straightening it over and over until every shirt was folded crisply on the table. I stripped a few CDs of their plastic wrap to get ready in case some kids wanted them signed, which they always did. My nails slicked thought the cellophane; I was getting practiced at the move after all the days on the road.

  One of Glory Rev’s members walked up, eyeing their table since Ginny was gone and looked at me and Shara.

  “Gin out?” he asked.

  “Shower,” I answered. “Can I help you?” I didn’t know him super well, and I thought maybe that he might have been the bassist. The big band stayed far away from us, although I didn’t blame them. They had important stuff to do, I figured, lots of radio drops to be recorded on the fly, so that their new single could be introduced by them over the air, and other label-related stuff.

  “Darcy, right?” he asked, ignoring Shara as she bit her lip and eyed him up like he was a chiseled piece of rock candy. He was alright. Good looking, with a shock of black hair, and an easy smile; he might have impressed me pre-Phoenixcry. Now, he was just another guy. Nice to look at, but didn’t stir anything south of my waistband. He held out his hand. “Aaron. I’ve heard a lot about you. Do you have a sec?”